1111 and Other Ways I Lost My Mind

By Mariam Molake

Numbers Have Always Been Talking to Me

I didn’t find numerology, numerology found me. Or maybe, more accurately, numbers never left me.

When I was young and trapped in long, unending moments of abuse, I found myself turning to the clock. The ticking seconds were unbearable, so I made them into a game. I would add the digits together, breaking them down until they became a single number. It gave me something to hold onto. By the time I finished my little math ritual, another minute had passed, and I had survived one more moment. Numbers became my lifeline before I even understood what that meant.

Fast-forward: I’m 31 now, but I didn’t realize until my late 20s just how much numbers had been guiding me all along.

1111: My Daughter’s First Message from the Angels

When I was 20 and pregnant with my daughter, life tested me harder than ever. At her 20-week anatomy scan, we discovered she had a large mass on her neck. Doctors gave me all the terrifying statistics, her heart might give out, the mass might rupture, she might not survive labor. They told me to consider late-term abortion.

But every time fear consumed me, she would kick, and I’d look up, there it was: 11:11. Not once. Not twice. Over and over. On clocks, on cab numbers, on receipts. It was like she was saying, Look, Mama. The angels are here. You’re not alone.

And she was right. We made it through the high-risk birth, the surgeries, the NICU stay. Today, she’s 10 years old, healthy, strong, and giving me more attitude than I sometimes know what to do with, and that is an incredible privilege.

Those repeating numbers were more than coincidence. They were survival. They were faith. They were love.

My Saturn Return: When Numbers Got Loud

At 28, during my Saturn return, for my fellow astro-nerds, I had what many call a spiritual awakening (or dark night of the soul, or ego death). My mind had never been quiet. ADHD, autism, trauma, they don’t exactly come with an “off” button.

But suddenly, the numbers were everywhere. Not just angel numbers like 111 or 444, but entire sequences: 131, 268, 151. Numbers most people would ignore. I couldn’t ignore them. They repeated until I had to ask: If 1111 means something, then why wouldn’t 268 mean something?

And that was the door. That’s when I realized, this isn’t just “woo.” This is an ancient language.

The Tower of Babel and the Language of Numbers

Here’s the thing: numerology has always been a little controversial, even conspiratorial. Think of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, who dove deep into it before her death. Or go further back, the Tower of Babel. That story says all humans once spoke the same language and built a tower so close to God that He toppled it. To me, that language was numbers. Numbers are the universal tongue, math, measurement, and meaning.

But here’s why I think the tower fell: not because God was petty with His big goddler hand, but because we built without shadow work. We reached upward for ego instead of purpose. We forgot the balance of light and dark, building only for power. That’s why the collective mind fractured. And it’s the same reason some people go “crazy” with numerology today, they chase patterns without doing the grounding. The numbers don’t make you lose your mind. Ignoring the shadow does.

Do I Sound Crazy? Probably.

Here’s the part that makes me laugh: every time I go on one of my number rambles with someone, they have the exact same reaction.

First, they’re stunned. I’ll talk about their birthday numbers, their personal day cycle, or what energy they’re sitting in, and it lands with eerie accuracy. They’ll say, “How do you know that? That’s exactly what’s happening right now.”

Then, almost immediately, they’ll tilt their head and smirk like, Okay, but you sound insane right now.

And that’s fine. Honestly, I get it. It reminds me of Teresa Caputo on Long Island Medium, just walking up to people and dropping life messages. I’m not trying to “read” everyone in Starbucks, but talking about numbers feels natural to me. It calms my anxiety. It lets me be more myself. It puts me in the state I’m in when I’m doing what I love.

That resonance carries into the rest of my social interactions. I don’t have to be “performing” or “masking”, I can just stay in the essence of me. And if that makes people think I’ve lost my mind, so be it. Because at least I’m enjoying myself.

And isn’t that what faith is, anyway? Most beliefs sound crazy if you zoom out. Burning bushes, parting seas, resurrections, men living inside whales, wild. Faith is always a little bit crazy. This just happens to be mine.

Numbers as Navigation

For me, numerology became a way to organize the chaos. Instead of just reacting to life, I could flow with it.

I began structuring my life around nine-day weeks instead of seven, because numbers work in cycles of 1–9. Each day carried its own essence:

• 1: New beginnings, planting seeds.

• 2: Balance, patience, relationships.

• 3: Creativity, expression, play.

• 4: Structure, hard work, fixing cracks.

• 5: Freedom, adventure, release.

• 6: Family, love, responsibility.

• 7: Introspection, spirit, wisdom.

• 8: Business, material progress, power.

• 9: Reflection, completion, transition.

When I started living this way, one “hat” per day instead of trying to juggle it all, I found myself accomplishing more while stressing less. My life finally started to flow instead of grind.

Even CEOs Need Numerology

And here’s the surprising part: it’s not just spiritual seekers who need this. I’ve worked with CEOs who manage billions, and even they admit they feel like cogs in the wheel. Titles and money don’t protect you from burnout. When every meeting is about EBITDA and profit margins, it costs them their spirit too.

Numerology helps them reclaim purpose. It shifts focus from “How much does this cost?” to “What actually matters?” It gives them timing, perspective, and clarity. Because at the end of the day, whether you’re a mom with ADHD trying to survive the morning or a CEO making decisions that affect thousands of employees, the numbers speak. And they speak to everyone.

Why I Teach Numerology

Now, I use numerology not just for myself but to help others navigate relationships, timing, and self-understanding. When I know someone’s attitude number (a number from their birth chart that shows how they approach life), I know how best to connect with them.

• If it’s their “4” day, maybe it’s not the time for a heart-to-heart, better to let them focus on their work.

• If it’s their “3” day, it’s the perfect time to laugh, play, and brainstorm.

• And if it’s their “7” day, maybe give them space, they’re probably deep in thought.

Imagine what life would be like if more people spoke this language. How much grace we could give ourselves and each other. How many conflicts could be avoided if we realized, It’s not you, it’s just the energy of today.

Want to Learn the Language of Numbers?

I’ve been asked a lot about teaching what I know, so I finally decided, it’s happening. At the beginning of next year, I’ll be launching my first online course on numerology: attitude numbers, personal days, and how to use numbers as a compass in everyday life.

Between now and then, I’ll probably put out a few mini-courses before the end of the year, just to give people a taste and ease into it. But the real deep dive will be in January.

In the meantime, if you’re curious and want to explore your own numbers, I offer one-on-one readings. Nothing fancy or high-pressure, just a way to see what your numbers are saying and how that lines up with your life. They’re reasonably priced, and honestly, I just enjoy doing them. So basically: if you want to throw me a few bucks for a reading, awesome. If not, I’ll still be here talking about numbers like the honorable neighborhood kook with a pocket full of dice. Either way, you’re can totally to listen in.

For me, this is less about “selling” and more about sharing. Because whether you see them as angels, ancestors, or just the math of the universe, numbers are always talking. And once you start listening, life starts making a lot more sense.